Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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