Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
