Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
