Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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