This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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