he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
