Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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