in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
