You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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