Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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