I cannot find my penis.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
