the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
