You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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