the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
