well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
