I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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