im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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