Come see our sink grown plant.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize