I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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