you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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