I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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