Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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