I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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