so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
