Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
