I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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