I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
