He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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