Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
