They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
