when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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