he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Success! We fucked roommates!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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