Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
