Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
