I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You dont lie about slip and slides
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
