I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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