It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
