Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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