Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
