all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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