wakey wakey hands off snakey
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
