I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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