worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
there was a trapeze. enough said
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
