His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
