you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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