I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
