her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
