i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
