fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
