ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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