Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
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We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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