fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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