covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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