They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
