with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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