i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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