so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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