:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
