Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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